Life is so interesting.

The ebbs and flows of life; the people in it; the scenery around me and in my head changes so often.

The last time I wrote a blog was November? Things have changed. Mentally, physically, and spiritually.

I used a drug on the 12th of this month, and have been drinking since then. I easily fell back into old behavior, actually before I even relapsed. It's strange how one event leads to another, and another, and another, and before you know it you're here and wondering how it happened. It doesn't always end unfortunately, actually, it never ends. Life just keeps going, until, well, I don't know what happens in the future.

On the 14th I was at my house, bored, talking to guys online. A guy from Redmond, I think, was going to pick me up and we were going to go over to his house and smoke. Peter called me and asked me what I was doing, so I told him. He didn't agree with this, and told me that he was going to come pick me up. I told this man from Redmond that my Dad was on his way home so I couldn't go anywhere. Peter picked me up, and we went to wal-mart and did a little browsing, a little purchasing, but it didn't kill much time. We ended up going to the AFK Tavern in Everett, because it was either that or Tailgators, which I've never been to before. I went to AFK once last year with Cameron and his friends.

When we got to AFK, Peter asked me if I was going to drink. I wasn't planning on it, but since he apparently didn't mind too much, I decided to. There was a cute, young looking man there, so I talked to him a little bit. I drank half my drink, gave this young man my number, and left.

I got a text later that night, maybe the next day. This young mans name was Christian. He seemed a bit off after texting for a while, and meeting up for drinks again by my house. I felt like I was getting mixed signals - although he said I was the one sending mixed signals. We continued to text and joke around and make fun of each other, but I felt like I had to chase him a little too much.

On Saturday, he invited me over, so I headed on over to his house to drink and hang out. His roommate - Scott - was there. Scott looks just like my ex-boyfriend who is in the navy, Ryan. Not identical, but extremely similar. They could be brothers. When he makes certain faces, he does look identical to Ryan. So we all drank some absinthe, which was a first for me. We smoked some hookah, drank a bunch of other drinks, and then people started coming over. It was quite a fun night. Drinks, hookah, catchphrase, other games. It was my first time since I turned 21 that I felt I was drinking in a "normal" drinking atmosphere for people my age. Everyone was very nice. One girl wanted me to add her on facebook, so I did. She was very nice. I hope to hang out with these people again.

At one point in the night, I went to the bathroom and got sick. That was pretty embarrassing, but I could tell that everyone else was too drunk / loud that they didn't notice. I was in the bathroom, and I'm pretty discreet. As the night came to an end, about 3am or so, Scott and I sat on the couch, and Christian sat in the chair, and we watched some netflix for a while. Scott fell asleep on the couch, and Christian and I went to his bedroom to sleep.

Christian was being extremely strange. I almost don't even want to talk about what happened. But basically I was getting extremely mixed signals from him. We didn't kiss, we didn't have sex. I ended up getting up a few more times to go to the bathroom and puke, and finally at one point decided to not go back to his room as to not disturb him. I went and sat on the couch next to Scott, who was coming in and out of sleep.

At this point is was about 6am and I decided that I wanted to go home, I was sick and tired. I texted Peter, "Will you please come pick me up? I'm in Everett. I'm done drinking. I'm done lying to people. Today is going to be my clean date. I really don't want to be where I am right now. I'm sorry for putting you through these past couple weeks."

Once Scott woke up again, I asked him if he wanted to go out to Patty's Eggnest in a little bit. He said yes, but said that Christian probably won't want to go; he will probably want to sleep in. I said that was okay with me. So I texted Peter and told him that I found a ride home.

Shortly after this, Scott gave me his pillow and blanket and he went to his bedroom. Shortly after that, he told me that he can't sleep, so I can go sleep in his bed if I wanted to. I tried to. Obviously, it was already light out, and I am an insomniac, so I couldn't go back to sleep either. I got the rest of my clothes and things out of Christian's bedroom, got dressed, and asked Scott if he was ready to go to Patty's Eggnest.

Scott was extremely gentleman like. He made bits of conversation, opened doors for me, and even paid for my food, although I offered to pay. While we were there he also decided that he wanted to add me on facebook. By the time he dropped me off at my house, I had decided that shifting my focus from Christian to Scott wouldn't be considered homie hopping, since:

1) Christian and Scott are not homies. And
2) Christian and I never kissed or had sex.

After being up for a few hours, Scott messaged me his number and told me that we should hang out later this week. My head is already in obsessive mode, although I'm trying to not let it. That's one thing that's hard for me to control. To be completely honest, and I damn sure hope that he doesn't read this, (but if he does, I guess he's just as obsessive as me?) I already googled him and looked at his entire myspace. Well, all the photos and all the blogs, which to me, is everything important.

I am already just future tripping so much, which is equal to giving my hopes up. I don't want to do that, I just see something that I want and I want it and . . . yeah. Once I think of what I'm actually doing, it sounds so ridiculous. I want to write things like, "I really like this guy." But with my chances, he probably does not see me the same way, at least not yet. I'm pretty sure that he is just a legitimately nice guy who has great manners and was raised well. However, when I get treated like this by a man, I automatically think, "He must want to get in my pants." "He must want me to be his girlfriend." Etcetera.
But who knows. I can obsess as much as I want to, but it won't do me any good. It will just pass the time and give my hopes up. So let's just take the next indicated step, instead of thinking about this mountain in front of me.



The funny thing about this blog is that I didn't plan to write any of that. I wanted to write some type of thing explaining why I totally "understand him" and I can totally "be that person to fill that void" and a bunch of other stupid bullshit, after reading his blogs. I did enjoy reading his blog, though. It's nice to see that I'm not the only one that felt / feels that way sometimes. Like I told Lucy - Normies aren't normal. They're just like us. They just cope differently.