(:

Life's ebbs and flows the past year have taken me from one extreme to another, and now I'm somewhere in the middle. I have never loved ordinary as much as I do now. The same day that I posted my last blog is now my anniversary, the anniversary that I share with my significant other, Raf. Raphael Alexander Espinoza-Julian. This past year he stuck right by my side when some really fucked up shit was going down. I relapsed. I used meth for the first time on Halloween and used meth & heroin on and off for about 4 months. It was a really bad time. I was escorting again, at a much higher level than before. It was extremely hard on me and even harder on Raf. After falling so deeply in love with Raf, I knew that this was not the right route for us. I want to have a real future with this man, a real, true, honest, loving relationship, and a family. I stopped using, and stopped escorting, and finally started working real jobs in the real world again. I did coffee still for a little while, but it was more of a cashier position, and I quit after about 5 weeks because it was just horrible. The money was good, but the rest was horrible. I started working as a Hostess right after that, which is really nice. I love where I work, my boss, and my co-workers. I'm slowly but surely making my way towards serving, which is awesome. However, I'm finally enrolled in school again, and I'm actually doing GOOD!!! I've been in school for about 2 1/2 months now and so far I have a 95%. An A! I'm extremely proud of myself, and so is Raf. All this is for us. Everything I do, every decision I make, I try to think about us. What I want for us and our future. I don't really go to meetings anymore, but I also don't drink or do drugs. I am sober, I'm just not in recovery. I have nothing to recover. My past is my past and that's where I'd like to keep it. I'm in a stage of discovery; a stage of creation. It doesn't mean I have anything against recovery programs or anyone in them. I think that I wouldn't be able to cope with anything as well as I am if I hadn't gone through as much recovery as I had. I did a lot of self-discovery while in recovery, as well as learned a lot of positive ways to cope, among other things. I learned a lot from recovery and I believe that anyone who has trouble with addiction in their life can gain from a recovery program, not just drug addiction, but any addiction. In June I actually went to a couple of GA meetings. I was having major problems with my gambling. I actually spent all my money at the casino, so much that I didn't have enough to move in to our new apartment that we had just signed the lease for. I ended up having to borrow money from people as well as stole money form former clients of mine. I know I didn't have to, but it's what I did. I'm slowly changing my life for the better. I'm in a good place now. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't escort, I DID go to the casino the other day with Raf, but I know it's not a good place for me to be. I'm not perfect, but I'm not a monster. I'm me. I have nothing to prove to anyone, I love the person that I am, and I love my significant other. I love him with all my heart. (: