Confessions, amends, and forgiveness.

My baptismal interview is this Tuesday. I didn't think I would be this nervous for it. Until elder Jordan listed the questions, and there were a few that I knew weren't good answers, but they were honest answers. I just wonder what we are going to talk about after I answer these. Are there going to be some kind of consequences for my past mistakes? God will still forgive me even though I did those horrible things, right? Or are those things unforgiveable? Everyday i am learning more and more about how to forgive and accept myself and others. I can only hope that they can also forgive and accept me, the way that I am and the way I will become. I hope that someday not too far off, I can say sorry to the people that I hurt, and say "it's okay" to those that have hurt me. I am SO excited for my baptism this saturday, and so excited that I finally actually believe and understand what has been taught to me. I will always have some amount of doubt, as everyone does, and I will continue learning, as everyone does, and I will make mistakes, as everyone does, but I will also have faith in Jesus Christ my lord and savior, and I will continue to strive to live according to the word, without breaking commandments or wise words. I continue to go to church each week and read my bible everyday, but I have fallen out of the habit of praying everyday. One more thing to work on. 5 days and 17 1/2 hours!

:)

So. Things are ever changing. I believe it was India Arie that said, "The only thing constant in the world is change." Well, I have been making even more changes in my life. Many of them I won't speak of, but a few I will. I am getting baptized on July 3rd of this year! I am so excited! Elder Jordan will be baptizing me. Elder Guthrie is done with his mission this Sunday! Going back home to Arizona. I went to the LDS Church for the first time (since mountlake terrace) this Sunday. It was okay. And I went to relief society this Tuesday. So fun! All the gals in that church are awesome. I am excited to go back and continue going to that church. And so excited for my baptism! What else?...

I haven't been writing. I have been reading a lot, though. Right now I am almost done with "I'll Fly Away." It's a book of a lot of short stories written by ladies in York Prison. It is so inspiring. It is the second in the series which I didn't realize until I was already into the book, so after I'm done I'll read the first one. I highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone, no matter where you are in your life! I also have been reading my bible every day, and the book of mormon. All these books have been keeping me going every day.

Back to church, it was very funny to me that both Elder Jordan and several ladies at church asked me when I am going to be married. Well, maybe it is not obvious to them, but it seems obvious to me, the answer. When the love of my life proposes to me and we marry! Of course. It's not like I have a set date and things like that. I know who I want to marry, and when, but I could never tell him that or others, because how do I know that is really going to happen? We are not even dating yet. And I have much more patience now than I did in the past. I can wait until the time is right. I am only 20. I have like five or six years, hahahah :)

Well, as the days pass by, and the leaves change color, and I read and pray and praise my lord like no other, every day I am grateful, every day I am thankful, every day I am patient, I will wait. I will wait.