wtfff.

I am so fucking ridiculously stressed out right now.
I'm really spreading myself waaay too thin, especially for someone that doesn't have a car and depends on the bus system to get around.
I'm getting pretty much no fucking sleep at all.
Last night I slept for maybe 5 hours.
I'm most likely not going to a meeting tomorrow because I get in an extremely bad place when I don't get sleep, and I would much rather get adequate sleep and feel somewhat sane than be extremely insane in a meeting. That sounds a little crazy as I type it, but I know that it's the truth. Just because I'm in a meeting doesn't mean that I'm not going to use. There have been multiple times where I have been in a meeting, feeling fucking crazy, and then gone and immediately copped dope afterwards. Sometimes with months clean.
I'm very aware that I've been lacking in the self-care department & really need to get on that.
I'm over-committed right now.
I make plans without realizing the effect that these plans are going to have on me.
I have 3 "home groups" right now, one of which meets two nights a week, which makes a total of 4 nights a week that I'm obligated to be somewhere.
I work 3-4 days a week.
I take the bus everywhere.
I just really feel like I need rest. I sit on the computer before I go to sleep and try to figure out the buses that I'll need to take the next day, and this weekend I'm supposed to be house sitting for Tonya's girlfriend, and it's just fucking stressing me out.
I need to learn how to say no.
I need to learn how to take time for myself, a little bit of time every day, not just neglecting myself for a week or two at a time and then taking a whole day to myself.
Yes, sometimes I deserve a whole day to myself, but really I need to be maintaining my self-care a little bit every day, just like my sobriety and everything else in my life that is important to me.